My manservant, Milosz, has been tasked with impersonating me for the next couple of weeks at all sporting events, international grands prix, employment-related mandatory attendance sessions, and monster recognition trainings. Covering for me at all factory openings, rhythm and blues revues, police academy graduation ceremonies, and wrestling events will be Marky "Fortran" Al-Tawehi, former body double of Angela Merkel and current Duke of Pepsi Presents Unified Silesia. Lastly, all ship christenings, declarations of martial law, and International Criminal Court hearings will be attended by a talking labrador who I have trained to stand on its hind feet. I appreciate your patience and understanding during this time.