North Felt-Town Printed Letters - Ryugyong International Motoring Expo: Hyundai CFO Chung Tae-hwan took the stage today to announce that Hyundai knows your darkest secrets and deepest fears. “Yes, we forecast that the Genesis Coupé will make great inroads into Nissan’s coupé marketshare,” he began, “but moreover, we forecast that your resistance to the well-built, reliable Hyundai Coupé will crumble as we plague your waking moments with the foul demons that haunt you in the depths of your lonely slumber. Our Kia subsidiary’s fun, funky new Soul will fill your driveway with some Korean funkiness as your spirit breaks under the strain of sharing your most horrifying secrets with our R&D department.”
When questioned what Hyundai Motor Company would be using the information for, Chung threatened to write the press corps’ names in red ink, and summoned three dozen Hyundai HA006 welding robots to end the press conference by any means necessary.
Industry analyst and professional mosaicist Dr. H. Mad Dog Lutz noted that, “While it remains unclear how Hyundai developed the technology to haunt our very dreams, I can’t afford to let the public to know what happened that fateful summer - have you checked out the value-packed 2009 Elantra?”