Job Hunting

- Force-fed Warren Harding live ferrets and wombats until Harding exploded in a shower of nickels and quarters. - Kidnapped novelist Virginia Woolf using a time-exposure suit designed by novelist Emily Brontë. - Built the world’s first intra-thoracic model railway whilst moonlighting as an intensive care surgeon. - Fired by the Oregon-Northwest Steam-Rail Company for using the telegraph to repeatedly broadcast “WENIS (STOP) OR WENUS??(STOP)” for over 36 consecutive hours. - Sponsored an expedition to the lost city of Whanoctlatolepec after reading about it in a copy of “Boys’ Own Adventures.” - Failed to secure a Papal pardon, despite all efforts. - Produced in a factory that processes peanuts. - Performed eye surgery only once, on Raul Castro. - Dabbled in international finance, but was fired due to anti-cloneism. - Is legally prohibited from unfolding in time and the Z-axis. - Arrested for wantonly disseminating information on and relating to the proper maintenance of a vagina without the proper authorization or knowledge. A valued member of this organization, perhaps?