I didn't know putting cinnamon rolls in waffle irons was a thing. Why did I have to get married to learn it was a thing. Life could have been so simple. My waffle iron and the Pillsbury doughboy and me, hangin' out.

Join me or die! Can you do any less?

I think a good app would be called “TROOPS”, where you tap your phone whenever someone was in the army and it goes “Thank You For Your Service™”. People who say stuff like that a lot are a market ripe for disruption.

It's easy to monetize because the target customer likes novelty, so you can sell a lot of new voices. And what underemployed 20-something wouldn't appreciate a good patronizing from Batman? And then you have a $4.99/mo Liberty’s Hammer membership where it adds “…and God Bless America™” whenever the app talks.

I needed another light in the Philips Hue system, and grabbed an Iris rather than another Bloom, mostly because I was curious about what the difference was. Essentially the Iris is a bigger and somewhat brighter version of the Bloom, with a more designey exterior. It reminds me of an Apple product from 15 years ago, which is a style I like very much. It has the same shortcoming as the Bloom -- it can do the full RGB spectrum, but it can't do the sort of "enhanced" second spectrum that the regular A19 Hue bulbs can. You can get very close indeed using the regular spectrum, though (and the corollary is that the Bloom and Iris can do a much better green than the regular Hue bulbs can). The color reproduction of the Hue and Iris is the exact same. Otherwise, it's pretty much what I expected. It's all-plastic -- the Bloom incorporates a glass rim around the bowl's edge. Given that it's also bigger and less dense, I would say it feels a little cheaper, but it's not the sort of thing you pick up a lot, so that doesn't really matter. The Bloom's cable routing is also a little more thoughtful in that the cord is made to come out the front, under the bowl, and is easily hidden. As mentioned above, the Iris is slightly brighter, but not drastically so. The difference is such that you only notice if you compare them directly. The Bloom is probably better than the Iris for almost any use given the smaller size and nicer cable routing, but the Iris is kind of fun looking, so I'll keep it around.

YESSS ULTIMATE POWER

Brainings of T. Hiram "Crashed Unicycle" Goosebee, naval expert and reformed autogyro.

She shot him a penetrating glare. "Ow," he said.