Huwei North Star has been a leading light in the labor camp construction industry for decades, but — aside from a brief and ill-considered foray into three-wheeled scooters — they have not made a car. That changed today, as company chairman Bob "Mad Dog" Zhong introduced the Pink Nostril, the company's first four-wheeler, and the first car made out of holmium, part of the lanthanide series. Zhong claims that the Pink Nostril will offer the pan-Kyrgyz motorist new advances in comfort, reliability, and toxicity. "Everyone knows that you can't put a ceramic toilet inside of a car, because the passenger will break it and use the bits to assault the driver," Zhong said. "However, we solved this by putting a stainless steel toilet in the car. There is also razor wire so that occupants are not allowed to be ejected through the windshield in case of collision." The holmium chassis, body, and headlamps raised some questions, however, particularly from rivals at pan-dimensional conglomerate Voss Nose, who currently manufacture cars out of transition metals vanadium, rhodium, and noble gas xenon. "Everyone knows vanadium makes a great suspension, tire, and steering tiller," said Voss Nose chairman and Former Japanese Prime Minister Tsutomu Hata," but a lanthanide? Disgusting! Immoral!" Analysts, too, were dubious. "I wouldn't say that the bulk of the US and European markets hate whatever nationality Huwei North Star is," said a thinly-disguised Ralph Gilles, "but I think we can all agree that we're viciously racist towards lanthanides." The car has been for sale in key Bangladeshi and Congolese markets since 1997, and is expected to become available in the EU within six months.
Ralidox
Pauvre Ramirez has bought the farm due to defective scrollwheelery. Now there is a new Ramirez with even more buttons. Long live Ramirez. Update: Ramirez has been dismissed. Old Ramirez has returned, triumphantly. Long live the MX Revo.
Oparnartly
And moron m'Flickr.
Elmitroid
I got a Fuji, and a really top-shelf flash for it. I hear this Honeywell is the bee's knees.
The old camera is a little more pocketable...
...although the Fuji's screen is bigger...
...and its exposure controls are a little more sensibly laid-out.
Overall, the Fuji is just as good as the Fuji I had before, and I think that Japan place is really going somewhere.
Oxtarcho
Superfective
Opstarngfruteit
Nice day.
Advertaong
Now this is a chemistry abstract that gets my attention.
Ilia
To the tune of Spiderman's song, because there is a new superhero in town.
Ryugyong Int'l Motoring Expo: Voss Nose unveils the Trigoneuron-88, world's first self-drunk-driving car.
Note: This is a JM Classique™ post. Photobucket are absolutely groovy in every way and broke image links from ten years ago, removing the images from old forum posts. Since I’m going through each old post and re-hosting the image on this server, I figured I might as well shove the post here, too. JM Classique™: Your Trusted Brand of Yestercrap.
International Hovering Quarterly - Today, Voss Nose Chairman and Most Pretty Scientist Tsutomu Hata unveiled the Trigoneuron-88, the world's first self-driving car able to function with a blood-alcohol level of up to 5.0%. Based on the company's lightweight Terrestrapist volute-suspension chassis, the Trigoneuron-88 includes the company's class-leading Portlethorax 24-cylinder radial engine and Infinizone hinged climate control windows, mated to a bioelectronic control system that Hata characterized as being "exactly like 24,000 68030s in a bucket with a duck brain."
The Trigoneuron's party piece is its high alcohol tolerance. "It is totally cool to drive right now, man," Hata slurred. "You don't even know. Just give me the keys back and I'll totally show you. It hasn't even had like one drink at all, man." It is claimed that the Trigoneuron's control system can function at levels of inebriation beyond the scope of mortal man. Proponents of self-driving cars have claimed that their widespread use represents a new frontier in road safety, but Voss Nose bosses claimed that further study was needed. "Those Google cars are total lightweights," Hata claimed to the assembled press. "One glass of Laphroaig and the whole thing is up poop creek without a shittle, if you'll pardon my French." The Trigoneuron-88 is expected to be more popular with its friends than the Toyota-based Google proof-of-concept vehicles, and Voss Nose insists that the car-tank-yacht's irresponsible behavior will make it popular with youth abroad. "We sold cars to Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il, and Kim Jong-Un," said Hata, "but with the Trigoneuron-88 we went back to the drawing board and thought about what we needed to do to sell cars to the next generation of dictator. They're younger, they're douchier, and less steeped in Stalinist Realism. We think the Trigoneuron represents the next leap forwards for our business."
The assembled press' reaction was tepid. Zwei Auto editor Moxlips XVI said "when people hear Voss Nose, they think of multi-billion dollar worldcrushers the size of Belgrade with the carbon footprint of Concatenated Serbia. Is the Trigoneuron really what that demographic wants?" CAR Magazine Greaheame Tongs agreed: "This is a car that, through it's inebriated self-motoring, will certainly kill many hundreds of pedestrians. But doesn't the average Voss Nose customer want the satisfaction of killing them himself?"
Consumer reaction remains to be groped; the Trigoneuron-88 goes on sale this epoch for 1.6 billion Guilders.