That's what happens when et cetera.

00:15: LadaNivaGTI: i must go, low petrol for generator *** LadaNivaGTI Quit (Quit: ) 00:17: xxUmarov4Life420xx: ok buddy 01:42: xxUmarov4Life420xx: brothers, do you know what song is good? 01:42: xxUmarov4Life420xx: song of kelly son of clark, “stronger”, this is good 01:43: xxUmarov4Life420xx: blasphemous of course *** vladimirpuddin sets mode: +b xxUmarov4Life420xx *** xxUmarov4Life420xx was kicked from #freechechnya by vladimirpuddin (enough talk of kelly son of clark) Late night Chechen ultranationalist IRC is probably "the bomb".

The Element has kind of a weird gauge cluster backlight color. Greeney-bluey white. I thought I'd see about making the gauges and dials light up red instead, because I don't have any real problems to focus on. Fortunately, it was a success despite being conceptually bankrupt. The gauge cluster comes out in about 30 seconds, which isn't an exaggeration. A little prying, one screw, a little more prying, and four screws. That was nice. The last time I was inside a gauge cluster it was to fix my Mercedes' odometer; you had to screw around under the dash for a while, and that thing had a damn oil line going right to the gauge (features like that are why I think of the W123 as the last, best car of the 1960s). Anyway, for the Element cluster you can just use #74 bulbs, incandescent or LED, in the color of yer choice. I tried some LEDs, but I went back to incandescent because the light was a little more even. Getting into the center console is real easy, too, and once it's off you can throw another #74 bulb in the shifter. And getting into the HVAC dials and radio is super-easy, too — Philips screws and a little prying. But then the conceptually bankrupt part on my end was that things inside 'em are a little wacky. The HVAC dials use crazy tall bulbs, and the radio uses tiny little weirdo bulbs, so replacing them sounded like a real pain in the ass. The HVAC knobs and buttons are pretty easy, though, because they used colored filters, which you can replace with Rubylith pretty easily. Obviously it's best not to replace the dual-color temperature dial filter, although in a poignant critique of my mental acuity these days I didn't actually think of that until I had already pulled the thingy off. The radio's the real dumb part. It uses little those blue guys that go over the bulbs, so I pulled all those off and just covered the light spreader with Rubylith. This was basically an interminable exercise in cutting shapes. In the picture I'm, like, 15% done. It was a real nightmare if you have big dumbass hands like me. I found out that I lost my Exacto knife, so I used woodcarving tools, which probably didn't help much. Kind of a pain, but I'm pretty happy with the results (although they're somewhat obscured by blurrycam). A lot nicer at night. There's a lot of really long unlit roads to the west of me, so it's nice to have the red gauges way down low.

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Trying to find something in my disused Photobucket account sucks because I frequently see pictures of my ol' red Miata and think about what a goddamn idiot I am. I liked the Mercedes a lot, the LE Miata was okay although I didn't really get attached to it, and the Element is a good car. But what the shit, me in 2010? The dumbest goddamn person ever. One day, little buddy. One day.

This may not have quite the same consumer potential as the Ennui Smartwatch, but here's another idea that I think has real potential for the corporate back-end market. I guess I spaced out for about 20 minutes and was thinking about companies commoditizing farts, like, electric farts that make corporate logos. It could be in a pill form, and use nanobots or something. I don't know. We're still in the R&D phase. So far we've only mastered text-based farting — graphics are still a problem. The next step will be full unicode support, including emoji. For now, though, the initial plan was that a company could have a batch of their fart-logos made, and hire someone to go around putting these in people's drinks, making them violently ill and delightfully synergistic. However, I ran this by legal, and an hour later a lawyer came and blew out a notarized fartsponse in my office; it turns out that putting pills in people's drinks is kind of a party foul, especially at locations like metropolitan opera openings and if the plaintiff—ah, experimentee—might or might not be the Prime Minister of the Czech Republic. Court records suggest that the experimenter, my unpaid manservant Milosz, is actually a bit of a Hungarian ultranationalist on his one day off each year, and had Prime Minister Sobotka farting distorted pro-Budapest imagery throughout La Bohème. Once again, our apologies to the fine people of the Czech Republic and I wish to stress once more that nobody is more sorry or less responsible for Milosz's actions than me. Anyhow, that didn't pan out, but then my board of director cat suggested that humans are vermin who will do anything with enough incentive. Why not just pay them? Surely there is some amount of money that will convince people to spend a day farting the Audi logo. We need to monetize America's most gaseous people. And lo, our new business model was born. As I said, we still have to perfect imagery-gas. But this is a top priority, as our text-based social fartwork is just not taking off as we hoped. But we hope that, in mere months, customized Brandolin™ pills will be available for gaseous co-marketers to spread the word about your business, illegitimate, coup-ridden government, or unlicensed space program.

Vampires are all worn out now, unless you work for the CW, and werewolves along with them. I say to you that it is time to bring back sexy mummy books, or possibly write some if they weren't real before. I feel that this is the true way to the #1 spot on the YA Best-Seller List, not to mention true self-reliance as mandated by the Juche ideology (and, it goes without saying, our current Five-Year Plan). Allow me to present some excerpts suitable for use on Western Imperialist Kickstarter: “Chad slowly unwrapped Amunkhare’s gauze. ‘Gross’, he said.” 

If the market absolutely requires it, we could alter the book to be a dystopian sexy mummy book. Chad's name would be Chadniss, and Amunkhare's name would remain the same.

Yet another reliable local business shuttered by Wal*Mart.

Sometimes DCS be all like ?

Yeah, well, holideux and whatever. I mean, I was up until 4 AM throwing up because of chow mein, but that doesn't take away from the lights and the gorgons and stuff. I mean, it's a holideux. My grandma used to drive us down Gorgonnicus Lane in a beige Peugeot and she'd be all "I have a gilded scepter", but you can't command gorgons with that kind of scepter. You need a palladium one. It was then, perhaps, that I realized that Möbius strip intestines were a well-trodden concept with almost no remaining relevance in the field. But as the Peugeot pootled along, we'd look at all the yards with the gorgon lights and gorgon figurines and inflatable gorgons and gorgontivity scenes and I'd think "truly, to succeed in this rap game you gots to go hard in gorgon merchandise futures." And that is the story of how I outspent eight Kaiserins but still missed the Tennyson-Waverley Real Estate Explosion. Man, holideux.